I am Aveline, and I woke up in the dark with my mouth open and no sound coming out.
The dream had Casper's hands on me again, and I could still feel them after my eyes were open.
In the dream Tobias pulled my head back by my hair so hard it hurt.
Tobias: She's bought and paid for. Six grand of nothing, and nobody is looking for her.
I could still feel his silver rings on my wrist, and the old bruises woke up under my skin.
Casper's voice came after, low and mean, right against my ear in the dark.
Casper: You dumb mute bitch. You're a debt with legs.
I pressed my hand over my mouth so hard it hurt, because I did not want Alba to hear me.
Then a soft knock came at my door, so quiet that I almost missed it, and I knew it was not Casper, because Casper never knocked.
Mattia: Aveline. It's me. I heard you.
I opened the door, and Mattia stood there in a black t-shirt and loose sleep pants with his hair flat on one side.
Mattia: Bad dream?
I nodded at him, because my pad was on the bed and my throat felt locked.
I still did not know who my real family was, and that not knowing sat heavy in my chest.
Mattia: You don't need your pad. I can see it.
He did not push past me into the room, and he did not look at me like my silence was rude.
Mattia: I'll wait. Right here. However long it takes.
Mattia: And if Casper or Tobias ever show their faces at this house, I'll put them both in the ground.
I believed every word out of his mouth, and that made me feel safe and scared at the same time.
I grabbed my pad off the quilt and wrote fast, and the words came out crooked: You don't have to.
Mattia: I know.
Mattia: I want to.
I stepped back and let him in, and he sat on the edge of my bed with his hands on his knees.
Mattia: Ma would kill me if I made you uncomfortable.
I wrote that his ma was kind and that I did not understand why, and my hand was still not steady.
Mattia: She likes you. She said you're precious.
Mattia: She's right.
I sat down next to him and the bed dipped, and my thigh touched his through his pants.
Mattia: You're shaking.
He put his hand on my thigh just above the knee and his thumb moved once, slow.
Mattia: Is this okay?
I nodded.
Mattia: I think about you. I want to know what you want.
I wrote on my pad that I did not know how to want things, because nobody ever asked me before.
Mattia: Then tell me one thing.
I looked at his mouth and my heart was so loud I was sure he could hear it too.
I leaned in and kissed him first, and his mouth was warm, and he kissed me back.
He kissed me back soft, then his hand cupped my breast through my shirt and his thumb found my nipple, and I made a small sound.
Mattia: Fuck. Tell me if this is too much.
I shook my head and my hips pressed into his hand on their own, like my body knew what it wanted.
Mattia: I can feel you. Are you wet?
I nodded, and my face burned so hot I had to look away.
He kissed me again, deeper this time, and then he pulled back with his jaw tight.
Mattia: I'll wait.
Mattia: I'll wait until you're ready for more.
I reached for the pad again, and my fingers were so unsteady that the pen jumped against the paper.
I wrote that he did not have to wait, and I held it up for him to read.
Mattia: I know. But I want to do this right.
He looked at me with dark eyes and his voice went low in the quiet room.
Mattia: Then ask me to stay.
I wrote one word on the pad and turned it around so he could see it, and the word was stay.