I woke up with my hand over my mouth.
The nightmare had my father's hand and my mother's voice.
I went down to the kitchen and put my back to the cabinets.
The house was too quiet. Every tick sounded like a door.
My mother's voice was in my head. You dumb little bitch. Nobody wants to see that face.
I made myself small against the cabinet.
Cato: Sienna.
Finn: Hey. We saw the light. You okay?
I flinched so hard my elbow hit the cabinet.
Sienna: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I'll go back.
Cato: You don't have to go anywhere.
Finn: And you don't have to say sorry for being awake.
Cato: Can I sit on the floor with you? I'll stay right here.
His eyes went to my throat and did not change. He waited for my nod.
Sienna: Okay. Yes.
Finn: Bad dream?
I nodded again. My throat felt scraped raw.
Finn: I get those. They're fucking awful.
Cato: You're shaking. When did you last eat?
Sienna: I don't know. Lunch, maybe.
Finn: Then we're making toast. That's not a question.
I watched him put bread in the toaster like it was normal.
Normal did not happen in that house. Not for me.
Sienna: She'll be mad if she finds me down here.
Cato: Fuck what she wants.
Cato: You're allowed in this kitchen. You're allowed toast at two in the morning.
My eyes burned. I looked at the floor so he would not see.
Finn: Butter or jam?
Sienna: I don't care.
Finn: Wrong answer. I need details. Butter or jam, sweetheart.
Sweetheart. He said it easy, like it did not cost him anything.
Sienna: Butter. Please.
Finn: Good choice. See? Details.
He set the plate on the floor by my knee and stepped back.
Finn: Hands are clean. I washed them. You can eat it.
The toast was warm. My fingers did not shake when I picked it up.
Cato: Better?
Sienna: Yes.
It was such a small word. It felt like a lie and the truth at the same time.
Cato: The nightmare. Do you want to tell us, or do you want us to leave it?
Sienna: Leave it.
Cato: Then it's left. We don't need to pick it back up.
I looked at the kitchen door. It was closed, and my chest went tight.
Sienna: Can you leave the door open? When you go.
Cato: We can do that.
Finn opened it wide. The hall light fell in a long yellow line.
Finn: We're right down the hall. You don't have to hide next time.
I did not believe him all the way. But I believed the open door.
They went up the stairs. The kitchen door stayed open.
I sat in the yellow light and finished my toast.
It was the first time a door being open made me feel safe.