The coat room was dark and smelled like wool and somebody's perfume. I stood between two rows of coats and waited.
My hands had not stopped shaking since the cameras.
Delia would come. She always came after. I knew the shape of that walk.
Sharp heels. A door that did not knock.
The door opened and I went small against the wall. My shoulder hit a hanger and it rattled.
Cato: Hey. It's us.
Cato filled the doorway with his hands up, like I was the one who could hurt him.
Cato: Just us. Nobody else.
Finn came in behind him with a bottle of water, and the door shut soft at his back.
Finn: You've been in here twenty minutes. I counted.
I waited for the rest of it. There was always a rest of it. Somebody being nice first, then the bill.
Sienna: What do you want?
Cato: Nothing. It's water. That's the whole thing.
Sienna: Is she coming?
Finn: She's doing pictures in the front room. She won't be done for a while.
Finn: Can I hand this to you? I'll stay right here.
I took it and my hand shook so bad the plastic rattled. That was the worst part. Not the slap. The shaking after.
Sienna: Sorry.
Finn: Don't do that.
Finn: Don't say sorry for shaking.
The cap would not turn. My fingers kept slipping, and it got worse, and my eyes burned.
Cato: Sienna. Look at me.
Cato: I want to put my hand over yours and open that cap. Only that. Say yes or say no.
Nobody had ever asked me a question like that. It felt like standing on a step that wasn't there.
I nodded first. Then I made myself say it out loud, because nodding could get you in trouble.
Sienna: Yes.
His hand was warm and steady. He turned the cap with me, and then he let go right away.
I breathed out. The whole room got a little easier to stand in.
Cato: Good. Drink.
I drank half of it in one go. Water had never tasted like anything before. Right then it tasted like being allowed.
Cato: She had her nails in your arm tonight. I saw. Can I look?
I rolled up my sleeve before I could think better of it.
Finn: Fuck. Sorry. I'm not mad at you.
Finn: I'm mad at her. That's all.
Cato: That doesn't happen again in front of me. Or behind me.
I wanted to believe him so bad it made my throat hurt. Wanting something didn't make it true.
Then heels hit the hall floor on the other side of the door. Two people walking.
My whole body went back to the wall.
Cato: Stay where you are. I'll take the door.
Finn: And you drink your water. We're right here.
Finn stayed beside me, and I drank, and I did not pay for it. Not yet.
In that house, not yet was the best I had.