My name is Fenna, and my aunt Trudie is counting my whole week's wages into her own hand again while I stand in the yard with my empty palm out like a fool.
Fenna: That's mine. I cut the reeds. You said I could keep this week.
Trudie: I said a lot of shit, girl. Doesn't make it true.
Trudie: You eat my food and you sleep under my roof, and you think you get to keep money?
Trudie: You're a debt with legs. That's all you are.
I keep my hand out anyway even though I know it is stupid, because something stubborn in me refuses to close my fingers first.
Her backhand comes so fast that I hear the air move before I feel it land, and then my lip splits against my own teeth and hot blood runs down my chin.
Trudie: Don't you fucking look at me like that.
Trudie: You're a useless little bitch and every soul in this pack knows it.
Coburn laughs at me from the shed wall, and when I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand it comes away bright red.
Coburn: She's got a mouth on her today. I know lads down the dock who'd pay good coin to shut it.
Trudie: Don't tempt me. One more word out of her and I'll let you and your boys have her for a night.
My stomach drops all the way to my boots, because he grins like a man who is already counting the money he will get for me.
Trudie: You hear me, Fenna? The cellar has no food in it and the door locks from the outside.
Trudie: I'll leave you down there till you're begging to lick my boots.
I believe every word she says, because she has done it before and nobody in this pack ever said one single word about it.
My wolf is small and thin and she hates this more than I do, shoving at my skin with all her teeth out, but I hold her down because if I shift at my aunt in this yard the pack will put me down like a sick dog.
Trudie: Now get to the Tide Assembly and look grateful. Smile for the Alpha.
Trudie: And if anyone asks about that lip, you say you fell.
She shoves me so hard that I trip over the wet stones and have to catch myself on the gatepost before I go down on my knees.
I walk to the hall with my shawl over my mouth and blood drying tight on my chin, twenty years old with nobody but the family that just did this to me, and that is the part that really stings.
Pella: Fenna. Fenna, stop walking. Let me see that.
Pella has a wet cloth ready before I can even argue with her, because that is her all over, always ready before anybody asks.
Pella: She hit you again. That fucking cow.
Pella: Hold still. It's not deep, but it's going to swell up ugly.
Fenna: It's fine. Really. I've had worse, and you know it.
Pella: Don't do that. Don't go small on me. You're not nothing.
Pella: You're the only one in this shitty pack who's ever been kind to me, so shut up and let me help.
I lean into her hand and my eyes sting, and this time it is not from the slap but from the fact that somebody in this pack still thinks I am worth something.
Kester stands at the back of the hall and wishes the Tide Assembly would swallow him whole, because every year is the same and Tove is never standing beside him.
Gunnar: You haven't eaten. Take the tonic, Alpha. You look like a dead man walking.
Kester: I'm not drinking your shit tonic in front of the whole pack, Gunnar.
His wolf is restless under his skin and he does not know why, twisting and sniffing at something in the air that he cannot put a name to.
There is a girl by the door with blood on her lip, Trudie's niece, the quiet one who never says a word to anybody in this hall.
Kester: Fergus. Deal with that. I don't have time for Trudie's mess today.
Fergus: Alpha. She's bleeding.
Kester: Then get her a cloth and get her out of my sight.
The Alpha looks right at me and my whole chest goes tight, like maybe he actually sees me, and then his eyes slide off me like water off a stone and he turns his back.
Trudie: Told you. Not one of them cares if you live or die.
I stand in the Alpha's hall with my lip bleeding and my hope going cold in my hands, and I have never felt so small in my whole life.