The Ashby dinner had forty guests and one empty chair beside my husband.
Grant filled it with Sloane.
Grant: My wife, Lena, keeps my home. She's good at that.
People laughed. They actually laughed, and I smiled like an idiot.
Then he turned to Sloane. His hand slid down her back, slow, and stopped on her hip.
She pressed into him like she belonged there.
I sat at the other end with a cold plate and a hot face.
The woman across from me looked away too fast. Everyone did.
I stood up. My heels were too loud on the marble.
Nobody stopped me. Not even him.
Fuck him. Fuck all of them.
I had a key to his suite. I told myself I was going up there to fight.
Grant: Lena. It's late. Go to bed.
I kissed him instead.
I put both hands in his hair and pulled him down.
He kissed me back. For three seconds, he kissed me back.
I pushed him into the chair and climbed on top of him.
My dress came off my shoulders. I wanted him to look at me.
I kissed his jaw. I bit it, soft. My hand went to his belt, then under it.
I wanted to feel him want me.
Grant: Get off.
His hand closed around my wrist like a cuff.
I was in my underwear on my husband's lap, and he looked at me like I was a stain on the chair.
Lena: What's wrong with me?
Grant: Nothing's wrong with you. You're not listening.
Grant: I'm done sneaking around like some bastard in the dark. I want it agreed. Signed.
That's when I got it. He didn't want an open marriage.
He wanted a permission slip, and he wanted my name on it.
Grant: Sign the terms. Sloane stays out in the open with me. Everyone knows the rules.
Lena: And if I don't?
Grant: Your mother's debts are mine. The house is mine.
Grant: Sign by Monday, or I call them in. She's sixty. She'll have nothing.
My mother would pick him. She always picked him.
And I saw it then, clear as glass. I was the unhappy one, and I'd been pretending I wasn't for years.
Lena: Fine. I'll sign.
Lena: But I get a boyfriend too. Same rules.
Grant: Sure, Lena. Find one who'll have you.
He thought I was bluffing. Maybe I was.
I signed on his desk. My hand shook, but the line came out straight.
Then I walked out with my heels in my hand and threw up in the hotel bathroom.