I scrubbed the bronze dust off my hands until the water in the sink went grey.
My braid had come half undone and my knuckles were still warm from the furnace.
The bronze had held its shape. I wasn't so sure about the rest of me.
Someone hammered on the door like the house was on fire.
Ottilie: Els! Open up. I've got something and my arms are dying.
She came in sideways with the bundle and a grin too big for my hallway.
Ottilie: Stand there and look grateful.
She pulled out a dress. Dark green wool, plain and soft, with a bit of shape at the waist.
Ottilie: My cousin's. She's shaped like a door, so it should fit you.
Elspeth: I'm ringing a bell, Ottilie. I'm not getting married.
Ottilie: You're standing in front of the whole pack under a full moon with your arms bare. Wear the fucking dress.
It looked like something a woman wore when she expected to be looked at.
The quiet voice in my chest said I'd get looked at and come up short.
I put it on in my room and came out with my arms crossed over myself like a shield.
Ottilie: Oh, shut up. Look at you.
She turned me toward the mirror and put her chin on my shoulder.
Ottilie: There's not a wolf in Kettle Row who wouldn't be lucky to have you, Els. Not one.
Elspeth: Lucky for what, though.
Ottilie: Lucky for you. That's the whole sentence. Don't make me say it twice.
She got me out the door with my boots on and a coat over the dress.
The square already had lanterns up, strung between the posts like someone was trying to make the night worth it.
Half the pack was out. Kids running, somebody's uncle singing wrong on purpose.
It smelled of smoke and fried fish, and I let myself like it for a minute.
Then I heard the laugh I always heard, easy and loud over everything.
Wade was by the fountain with his arm along Talitha's shoulders, showing her off like a new boat.
Wade: Els! Come here, look at this. Talitha's doing the rope with me tomorrow.
Wade: I'm walking her up. Everyone's going to see who I picked.
He said it to the square, not to me.
Duff: Fuck me, Bray. You own a dress? Thought you slept in the foundry.
Duff: Don't get ideas, though. Wade's not going to pick a bell-caster with burns on her hands. He's got eyes.
Talitha: You look nice, Elspeth. Brave, wearing that.
She smiled with her little pointed face, and the smile was the worst part.
I didn't say anything. The words sat in my mouth and weighed about a ton each.
Ottilie: Els. Say something, or I'll say it for you, and I'll be loud.
Wade turned back to Talitha before I finished looking at him. He was always warm. It never landed on me.
I stayed in the square anyway. My hands were steady and my heart was going and I was still standing.
Tomorrow I'd ring that bell in this dress, and the whole pack would watch me do it.
And under all the noise, I wanted to be worth a second look.